Where the F is My BC?

the musical

part three

INT. LUCY’S BEDROOM

Lucy in bed with the Hot Guy. The vibes are 50s moody lighting. They are making out when he starts to unbutton her all pink silk pajama’s. She has a doe-eyed look.

She stops him and speaks- we can’t hear her words because a dreamy tune starts to play- but by her hand gestures we can see that she explains to the guy she lost her birth control.

If he has no condom they can only do hand/mouth stuff. The crude hand gestures juxtapose her Frenchy (from Grease) innocence.

The tune: Beauty School Dropout from Grease

Lucy stops talking. Hot Guy gets out of bed and stands, looking down on her, in an all white outfit- a la Frankie Avalon in Beauty School Dropout.

HOT GUY
You story is sad to learn
For a man, with strong sperm
Most unprotected uterus on the block..
Your cycle is so unclear now
Should I put it in your rear now?

Lucy gives him a dirty look.

HOT GUY
(talking)
Kidding! But..
(singing)
We need to put a stop to this hard co--

Lucy jumps out of bed and shoos him out.

INT. LIVING ROOM
Lucy continues to shoo him out only to find background singers in her place singing “la, la’ la, la.” Hot Guy turns to her with a final try.

HOT GUY
Dutiful pullout?
I won’t inseminate you
Dutiful pullout
Don’t own rubbers and missed your pill..

LUCY
(talking)
It’s not like you brought condoms.

HOT GUY
Well, at least you could have taken time
To hide your pack and sell the lie

Hot Guy points to a birth control pack on her coffee table. Lucy runs over to it.

HOT GUY
After teasing me through the night
This hot guy will not say good bye!

Hot Guy walks out the door slamming it.

LUCY
This is not mine...

INT. GWENS BEDROOM
The tune of Beauty School Dropout Continues
Gwen is naked in bed, a little tipsy, waiting on Frank to hop into bed with her.

GWEN
Baby get movin
While I’m still horny and goin
What are you doing?
Your dicks out but there’s no Trojan.

Frank is on top of her. He looks at her confused.

GWEN
If you enter me not locked up, you could knock me up good
Turn in your Xbox and go straight to parenthood

Gwen shows him a text from Lucy: “left your B.C here.” Frank is annoyed. Gwen tries to ease his annoyance and also wants to have sex.

GWEN
Dutiful pullout?
Exiting before the spray
Dutiful pullout
I’m not ovulating, anyway!

Frank gets up, all high and mighty like Frankie Avalon which makes Gwen mad.

GWEN
Well, you try to teach me everything
You think you’ve got such manners
But you’d forget your own mom’s birthday
If it wasn’t for my planners!

Frank gets back into bed to hook up with her.

GWEN
Baby don’t sweat it
You can give yourself a hand job
Better forget it
Who wants to gets fucked by a snob

Gwen starts to put her clothes back on.

GWEN
Now your balls are blued
Im in a mood
And still you are exposed
Wipe off that sorry face and put on your damn clothes...

Gwen turns off their bedside lamp. Music ends.


INT. LUCYS APARTMENT
Lucy hands Gwen her birth control. Both seem tired and discouraged.

GWEN
Thanks. Still haven’t found yours?

Lucy shakes her head.

GWEN
I was talking to Frank about
maybe getting an I.U.D.

LUCY
I’ve looked into it. Horror stories.

Lucy takes out her laptop and googles “I.U.D”

GWEN
You can’t trust the internet.

LUCY
You can’t trust birth control either.

Lucy seems on edge, fed up. She opens up a TikTok video of a nurse titled “How I.U.D’s work.”

GWEN
Really? A TikTok nurse.

Lucy hits play. The nurse on the screen takes out an acoustic guitar and begins singing to the
tune of "DO RE MI” from Sound of Music.

TIKTOK NURSE
Lets start at the first insertion
A very good place to start
When the gyno says on 1-2-3
They will begin to put in the IUD
I U D...

TikTok nurse pops out of the video. She sits on the carpet in a Sound of Music Julie Andrews outfit and attitude. She motions for Gwen and Lucy to sit in a circle beside her.

TIK TOK NURSE
You’re supposed to repeat after me.
I-U-D

LUCY AND GWEN
I-U-D

TIK TOK NURSE
It looks kinda like the letter T.
I-U-D

LUCY AND GWEN
I-U-D.

TIK TOK NURSE
I and U, an intrauterine
D, a small plastic device
V, the shape of your legs in the air
Ah, the speculum is like ice
Ow!, the cervix makes some room
Ef, the curse that follows ow
Eek, it’s shoved into the womb
That will bring us back to ow oh wow, wow

TikTok nurse shows a diagram of a woman about to get an IUD insertion, her legs up on the foot thing at the end of the doctor table. In a gown, uncomfortable.

LUCY
Wow!

TIKTOK NURSE
A cramp, a deathly cramp

GWEN
Why?!

TIK TOK NURSE
A question yelled at God

LUCY AND GWEN
Ick!

TIKTOK NURSE
Bleeding for four weeks straight

LUCY AND GWEN
Huh?

TIKTOK NURSE
The pelvis may feel quite odd.

LUCY
So...

TIKTOK NURSE
There’s a risk of infection.

GWEN
And?

TIKTOK NURSE
A chance of passing out.

Gwen and Lucy exchange worried looks.

TIKTOK NURSE
Or worse “perforation”
BUT no baby, we have no doubt!
(talking)
Well, 0.1% Doubt.

TikTok nurse disappears back into the screen.

EXT. ROOF DECK
Gwen and Lucy need fresh air. Lucy seems green with queasiness.

GWEN
I’m sending that video to Frank...

The tune of Defying Gravity starts to play.

GWEN
I hope he gets it
I hope it get’s it how there’s
No good choice for females
I hope he likes the details

Lucy is happy Gwen feels similarly to her. She attempts to convince her in her new plan.

LUCY
I hope you get it
I hope you get it more
I hope you’ll join me for,
A stand up to society
Against the patriarchy

LUCY AND GWEN
Somehow I can imagine howwwww
We will become au naturelllll

Gwen still seems a bit unsure. But Lucy is at her most empowered.

LUCY
Something has changed within me
I’m not the same Lucy
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of having a pussy
I’m through with medicating
I’m through with modifying me
It’s time to trust my body
Be birth control freeeeee

Lucy stands near the edge of the Roof Deck as if singing to the city.

LUCY
It’s time to try defying estrogen
I think I’ll try defying estrogen
Added hormones bye, I’m defying estrogen
And it won’t bring me down

GWEN
Can’t I make you understand.
You’re having delusions of grandeur..

LUCY
I’m through accepting symptoms
Cause someone says I must
Healthcare I cannot change
Till men try, it will be unjust

Lucy imagines herself throwing her birth control, an I.U.D, a female condom off of the roof.

LUCY
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Having sex, with no device
Well if that’s sex, it comes at much too high of priceeeee
I’d sooner buy defying estrogen
Bigger boobs bye, I’m defying estrogen
I think I’ll try defying estrogen
And you won’t bring me down

Lucy turns to Gwen.

LUCY
(talking)
Join me. This influencer went off
Birth Control and says
she’s now living her best life.

Lucy grabs Gwen’s hand.

LUCY
Unregulated
Together be unregulated
Together, we’ll be the freest team theres ever been
Gweny, see our true personalities

GWEN
With no artificialities...

LUCY AND GWEN
There’s an other us within..
Just you and I defying Estrogen
And also defying PROGESTERONE

INT. FUTURE
We see Lucy and Gwen imagining a future not taking birth control. They picture being their best selves like the influencer.

LUCY
They’ll never bring us down!

EXT. PRESENT

Lucy flips her hair, a bit falls out.

GWEN
(talking)
Lucy your hair...

LUCY
(talking)
It’s just a reaction of going off.

Gwen looks down and drifts further from Lucy.

GWEN
I hope you’re okay..
Now that you’’re choosing this...

LUCY
Side effects won’t persist..

LUCY AND GWEN
Your decision, I applause
And you’ll make it to menopause
I hope you’re okay till then
I hope you’re okay, my friend

Lucy and Gwen part ways. Gwen watches Lucy practically fly to the sky.

CUT TO NEXT COUPLE DAYS

INT. BAR
The symptoms of going off birth control start to effect Lucy. We see her at the bar with friends but leaving to go to the restroom.

LUCY
So if you care to find me,
Look to the bathroom stall
As someone told me lately
When you go off it can come in sprawls

INT. BAR BATHROOM
Lucy looks in the mirror. Zits on her face.

LUCY
And If I start to break out
At least I am more zen...

Lucy slams the door shut, clearly not zen.

INT. BAR

LUCY
To those other women
Take a message back to them

Lucy leaps from one table to the next.

LUCY
Tell them how I am defying estrogen
PMSing hard, defying estrogen
And soon, I’ll sync up with my crew
And everyone in all my world
Parents, doctors, boys and girls
Will say that Lucy is brand newwwwww

Lucy makes it back to her table of girl friends, still standing, but with a drink raised. She downs it.

to be continued