Raise Your Glass

to big sisters.

my wedding toast to Tessa & Pat

I’ll never forget when Tessa first told me
about Pat. Me, her, and Lexi were at the
mall and she said she hungout with this
guy who lived above her down the shore. 

If you’re not from the east coast, for
context, Sea Isle City is a place with
little class, a lot of “Go Birds” chants,
and often the setting of a story
that ends with a bad decision.

So I was skeptical. But Tessa
appeared flushed with excitement
to tell us about the new guy.
She talked about the great night
they had, feeling a spark, and
how kind Pat was toward her.

 He even said to her, “I need to get a
picture of you because you’re just
so beautiful my friends won’t believe me.”
I smiled and nodded and thought
to myself… man this guy sounds so...
fucking corny.

Their relationship continued to grow
from there. And I think my favorite part
of this montage I picture, is Pat talking on
the phone with Tessa- index cards beside
him with notes on topics to bring up
in case there was a lull in conversation.
Yes, that actually happened.

Fast forward to the first time I officially
met Pat, at a family dinner in the city.
I had heard he was a bit like me-
someone of few words around new
people. I’m pretty sure we had the
most awkward introduction hug then
let everyone else steer the conversation.

When it came to ordering starters,
the rest of my family went with their
usual fried calamari or some shit that
I refuse to ever try. As I scanned
the menu, I remembered Tessa
telling me Pat was also similar to
me in our childish food palette. 

I spotted buffalo chicken egg rolls, looked
up, and locked eyes with Pat- a nod in
agreement on getting the least fancy
thing on the menu. And in that moment
I knew… this is a man I can split
appetizers with for the rest of my life.

Since then we have shared nachos,
pizzas, IPAs all around Philly and LA.
We’ve watched Eagles games together,
went on a few trips (planned by Tessa,
of course) and bonded over our love
of sitting in silence.

When he became our roommate at our
tiny place in Venice we had no choice but
to see each other’s vulnerable sides.
He witnessed my tendency to scream
in my sleep- never complaining,
only worried for me.

And I witnessed his generosity and
love for my sister- whether it
be cleaning the apartment or
getting us breakfast sandwiches
when we were hungover.
Or his obvious protectiveness
and care for Tessa's feelings.

As I said, Pat can be quiet, but in the silent
moments his eyes are often on Tessa-
checking on her or admiring that beauty
he saw the first time he met her.

As a kid I wanted nothing more than to
be like my sister. To be as cool as her-
with her hip outfits and mature taste
in art and movies. To get as good as
grades as she did- I can’t count how
many times the teachers were so
excited that I was “Tessa’s little sister.”

To be as determined and ambitious as
she was- like running a neighborhood
camp from our backyard or somehow
being able to have a savings account at
the age of 12. To be quietly confident
while remaining humble. To be
a leader without needing credit.

Every role model paper I had to write
for school was about her, every time
I had a question about life I went to her,
and every time I was in a new space
I clung to her. The most incredible part
is that she let me.

No one wants their sister who’s three
years younger than them attending
their slumber parties. But I was always
invited. When we went to camp as
kids, she ditched her group at lunch
to meet her painfully shy sister, saving
her her favorite flavor Huggie. 

Tessa cares more than anyone I know.
She wants everyone around her to
be happy and well. She will be there
no matter what- which has helped me 
more than she realizes over the course
of my life. And Pat, you’re lucky to
have that for the rest of yours.

I know this isn’t about me, BUT just
remember that Tessa was my soulmate
first. My best friend, my guide, my rock.
 We have an undeniable connection that
not everyone gets to experience with
their siblings.

It’s cliche, but she understands me better
than I understand myself. I really did try to
steer away from cliches and corniness
in writing this toast because it typically
makes my skin crawl.

But I realize that Tessa has a way of
bringing out the softer side in people.
So Pat, I forgive you for your corny line
when you first met her. And I also bet
you scarcely used those index cards
on the phone with her. 

Because Tessa’s presence is a comforting
one. She genuinely listens, passionately
cares, loves big, and brings an ease to life
that a lot of us so desperately need.

Although Sea Isle is a place with
little class, it is a place that’s familial- 
where you can unapologetically
be yourself, Philly and all. And once
in a while the setting for a story that
ends in the best decision of your life.

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The Edible Arrangement