Gold Coin Forgiveness
A little man, about two feet tall,
lived under a large white tree in
the heart of his village in the forest.
You could easily find him by listening
for the tap, tap, tap of his hammer.
The little man was a shoemaker,
as was all the inhabitants of
this tree before him.
Some Leprechauns wore red outfits,
like in the early Irish folklore.
Others dressed in green,
like in the more modern depictions.
Almost all of them had the classic Leprechaun traits;
deceptive, untrusting, male, and quite white.
Why a man who is only two feet
had to live in the biggest tree in the forest…
Well, that involves a complex
that tends to be accurate.
Nevertheless, the village
relied heavily on the shoemaker.
And it had seemed like forever since the
guy in the big tree wore green instead of red.
Although his coat was more of a brown hue,
it was still technically green
and the creatures of the forest were excited.
He spent his day making shoes for
the people who lived nearby.
And for the fairies who lived in the forest.
Technically, a Leprechaun is a type of fairy.
The bearded fairies started by creating
basic shoes to protect the villager’s feet.
The people paid the Leprechaun with small
pieces of gold for the cobbled shoes.
The fairies’ shoes were made of satin.
They brought their (family’s) gold to the leprechaun too.
As the years passed, the shoemakers
began to make shoes that were
lavender, green-gold, some with
pointy toes. Some with high heels.
The shoes got fancier and the people had
to pay with larger pieces of gold
The leprechaun needed a place
to keep his coins. He was a bit of
a miser, so he rarely spread his wealth.
And often picked the wrong things
to spend his money on.
An old metal pot became
the perfect place for all his wealth.
He had a team of people
in charge of the pot.
His shoes were so prized that soon
his pot of gold was overflowing.
One day, someone came to the Leprechaun’s shop by the tree.
They wanted a pair of shoes.
The basic shoes but with thick heels.
Because thick heels were required to
get the best jobs in the forest these days.
As they described the shoes, they
spotted the pot of gold. They knew
that if they captured the Leprechaun,
they wouldbe granted three wishes.
The Leprechaun was no fool
(well some people on his team were no fools)
He knew what the person was really after.
So the Leprechaun buried his pot of gold
in an account at the Federal Reserve Bank.
A few days later, the person came back.
The Leprechaun gave them the shoes.
But the person was able to capture him.
They were an uncorrupted journalist.
The Leprechaun could not escape.
The journalist could get what the wanted.
“For my first wish I want you to show me
where the pot of gold is hidden.”
“For my second wish, I want you to
give back the gold to the people
who paid for their fancy shoes. They’re
in debt now and could use some help.”
“And for my third wish,
I want universal healthcare.”
The Leprechaun cackles and refuses all three wishes.
“Well I told the rest of the village
about how big your pot of gold is.
And they were outraged. They won’t
let you continue to live in the big tree.
A red-coated Leprechaun could move in.”
This scared the Leprechaun so he said,
“Alright, I can grant you the first two wishes,
but the third wish is a communist act
that will never be granted.”
The leprechaun brought the journalist
to the bank and pointed to where
the pot was hidden.
The journalist didn’t have access yet,
so they marked the hidden spot
with one of their notepad papers.
The journalist would come back later.
In the meantime, the Leprechaun
showed them a series of plans to
get the people their gold back.
“Make sure you tell the villagers my promise.”
So the journalist told the village the Leprechaun’s promise.
Many creatures and people were happy,
but the fairies were in an uproar.
“We already paid off our debts why shouldn’t you?”
“Because you’re able to pay with
your fairy magic or your father’s magic.
You don’t even need shoes, you can fly.”
“Some of us worked hard, with no magic
and no help!”
“I’m sorry we did not discover the extent
of the Leprechaun’s gold sooner.
But since we have, wouldn't it be a kind act?
Taking from the Leprechaun’s pot,
will not detract from your personal pot.
Plus the village could become a
more magical land with affordable
shoes for all! So we don’t have to
struggle in our off brand crocs.”
When the journalist returned to
the Federal Reserve, they could not
believe their eyes. The hidden spot
was covered in hundred of papers
Of laws: to extend the Elf Fever Shoe Relief.
To double down on promises
made by the last guy in green.
Document with legal arguments and
hiring of administrators. Memos of the
Shoe Forgiveness and oh right there!
The very law that would give
the people their gold back!
But when the journalist approached
the law, the signature of the
Leprechaun disappeared.
It was Leprechaun magic!
The journalist recruited others
from the village to help find the
hidden spot. But they kept tripping
over falling branches in the forest.
Meanwhile the Leprechaun
found a better place to hide his gold.
He knew that rainbows were fleeting
and looked pretty. It would distract
the people, but they could never
tell where one ended.
So he hid his pot, at the end
of the rainbow. Turns out this was
where all the previous leprechauns
stored their promises and gold!
Nearly four years later, the journalist
heard the fucking tap, tap, tap
of the Leprechaun cobbling his shoes
So they decided to sneak into his tree
to give him a piece of his mind.
The journalist found the Leprechaun
sprawled out on his couch, watching TV.
The tapping was coming from upstairs.
“You don’t even make the shoes?
Your team does?”
“False,” the Leprechaun smirks.
“My team clones the shoes with magic”
“Then what’s the tap, tap, tapping?”
“They’re putting the giant nail in the coffin
of the Green Coated Leprechauns.”
The journalist jaw dropped.
“Hey the last guy’s tapping was to build some wall.”
THE END.
*some lines in the story come from
“The Story of the Leprechaun”
by Katherine Tegen